81 Chuck Norris Facts For His 81st Birthday

Yes, you read that correctly. Chuck Norris is 81 years old. He was born Carlos Ray Norris on March 10, 1940. And believe it or not, his mother is still alive and well.

We here at Geekville Radio have searched the internet for 80 Chuck Norris Facts to celebrate the man’s 80th birthday. We will then do a movie marathon of Delta Force, Lone Wolf McQuade, Code Of Silence, Walker Texas Ranger, and the Karate Kommandos animated series.

  1. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  2. Chuck Norris has counted to Infinity. Twice.
  3. Chuck Norris protects Earth from asteroids by batting them back out into space with a redwood tree trunk. The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was high and outside, so he checked his swing.
  4. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
  5. The city was going to rename one of their streets after Chuck. They opted not to after they realized nobody could cross Chuck Norris.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat Death, He wins fair and square.
  7. Jesus walks on water. Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
  8. The path of greatest resistance is through Chuck Norris.
  9. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  10. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you.
  11. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  12. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  13. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
  14. A picture is worth 1,000 words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1,000 pictures.
  15. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is at ALL TIMES.
  16. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  17. Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
  18. Chuck Norris once watched the tape from The Ring. When the girl climbed out of the TV and saw it was Chuck Norris, she climbed back in and turned the TV off.
  19. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
  20. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  21. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  22. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
  23. Chuck Norris bowls overhand.
  24. Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
  25. Before Chuck Norris was born, nunchucks were called nunbobs. Nobody knows what happened to Bob.
  26. Frost gets Chucknorrisbite.
  27. The Bermuda Triangle used to be The Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
  28. Chuck Norris can burn fire.
  29. Medusa lost a staring contest with Chuck Norris.
  30. Rice Krispies don’t go snap, crackle, and pop when Chuck is around. They say “shhhhh here he comes!”
  31. Chuck Norris cured leprosy just by giving it the finger.
  32. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, but Jack still couldn’t withstand a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  33. Chuck Norris once tried to breathe fire. The result is global warming.
  34. The laws of physics say it is impossible to be in two places at one time. Unless you are Chuck Norris. Then the laws of physics are so scared they let you do whatever you want.
  35. Before Chuck Norris, The Dead Sea was alive
  36. Chuck Norris wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth. It was a rusty shovel.
  37. Chuck Norris flosses his teeth with razor wire.
  38. Some people are considered a one-man army. Chuck Norris can easily defeat an army of one-man armies.
  39. In the last 20 years, Chuck Norris hasn’t aged a day. In fact, he’s 10 years younger.
  40. Chuck Norris can make a diamond by squeezing coal.
  41. Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
  42. Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
  43. Chuck Norris has no tattoos because nothing on earth can pierce Chuck Norris’s skin.
  44. R.E.M. wrote a song, “It’s the end of the world as we know it”, right after they met Chuck Norris.
  45. Chuck Norris only sneezed once. It became known as Hurricane Katrina.
  46. The reason The Grim Reaper is a skeleton is that he fought Chuck Norris.
  47. Trees fall over simply from Chuck yelling “TIMBER!”.
  48. If at first, you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
  49. Chuck Norris is never late. That would imply that anything else was more important than what Chuck Norris was doing.
  50. Nobody ever asks why Chuck Norris crossed the road.
  51. The Tower of Pisa leans because Chuck Norris leaned against it once.
  52. Chuck Norris doesn’t dodge bullets, they dodge him because they know better.
  53. Chuck Norris burns calories with a flamethrower.
  54. Mars has no life because Chuck Norris already checked.
  55. Chuck Norris doesn’t have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.
  56. Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
  57. They tried carving Chuck Norris into Mount Rushmore, but it wasn’t hard enough for Chuck’s beard.
  58. Chuck Norris puts dry ice in all his drinks.
  59. When Chuck Norris logs on to E-bay, he gets a special button for him that says “take what you want”.
  60. Chuck Norris draws in 4D.
  61. Chuck Norris can speak and hear sign language.
  62. The reason Chuck Norris isn’t in Super Smash Bros. is that he would have an infinite percentage of life.
  63. Chuck Norris only needs one lick to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
  64. Chuck Norris can set water on fire.
  65. Chuck Norris got in a knife fight. The knife lost.
  66. Chuck Norris does his own stunts. And everybody else’s too.
  67. Chuck Norris doesn’t carry a watch. He decides what time it is.
  68. When Chuck Norris plays football, he is the Quarterback AND Wide Receiver.
  69. The reason the bulls run in Spain is that Chuck Norris came there to visit.
  70. Muhammad Ali’s inspiration comes from Chuck Norris. That’s where Muhammad Ali got the saying “I wrestled with an alligator, I tussled with a whale, I handcuffed lightning and I threw thunder in jail.” Muhammad Ali saw Chuck Norris do this in a daily routine workout.
  71. There is an everlasting battle between Good and Evil because Chuck Norris keeps winning. Neither side can decide which side Chuck Norris is on. No one tells Chuck what to do. No one.
  72. Usain Bolt can run 27 mph, Chuck Norris is the cameraman running beside him.
  73. Chuck Norris can run over a tank with his bicycle.
  74. Chuck Norris is in all the Star Wars movies as The Force.
  75. Chuck Norris plays Jenga with Stonehenge.
  76. Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling match with both hands tied behind his back.
  77. The Incredible Hulk is Green because he envies Chuck Norris.
  78. Sigmund Freud was talking to Chuck Norris about his theories of psychology. Without thinking, Freud asked Chuck Norris if he was afraid of anything. Chuck Norris looked at him and said, “Excuse me???” Thus the term “Freudian Slip” became a psychological term.
  79. Trains stop at Chuck Norris crossings.
  80. Chuck Norris knows the location of Parts Unknown
  81. Chuck Norris had six pet rocks in his rock garden. They became the Infinity Stones.

Most of these were found via Chuck Norris Facts. Others were gathered via random internet pages, and a few were made up on the spot.