The Acolyte enters its second half with a very revealing episode. But to anybody paying attention, it made many of the characters look even dumber than they did before…
SPOILER WARNING! The following contains spoilers for The Acolyte Episode 5 “Night!” Do not proceed if you wish to avoid spoilers!
MAJOR POINTS
- Qimir, aka Asian Johnny Depp, is Darth Toothygrin
- Mae and Osha effectively switched places
- Darth Toothygrin’s mask somehow magically turns off sabers
- Jecki and Yord are apparently dead
Osha awakens as The Jedi battle Darth Toothygrin. He apparently Force Pushed them in random directions and with varying levels of mental awareness.
Darth Toothygrin takes down Yord and skewers the others up like Jedi Shish Kabob. Osha finally realizes she has a gun and shoots. However, Darth Toothygrin just shakes off the stun blast and Yord yells at Osha to run. When she does, Darth Toothygrin just lumbers after her like a zombie looking for his next meal. He throws his lightsaber, only to have Sol step in to block it with his own saber. Yord takes Osha and makes his way to the ship. Sol and Toothygrin duel.
Meanwhile, Mae finds Kelnacca’s lightsaber. Jecki dropkicks her and tries to arrest her. The two fight into the forest as Toothygrin and Sol continue their duel. Eventually, she manages to ground Mae and cuff her.
Toothygrin, who somehow escaped Sol, steps in and teases Mae could learn from this padawan. He and Jecki then battle back and forth as Mae tries to escape. However, Toothygrin flies after her and slashes his saber. She parries in a way that chops off her cuffs, freeing her. Sol and Jecki make the safe and the three continue in a two-on-one duel. Jecki finally knocks off Toothygrin’s helmet but gets skewered herself in a triple impalement. She slumps over, revealing Toothy as Qimir.
Qimir holds his saber hilt to Mae’s head during the obligatory “dialogue with the hero scene” where he admits to being a Sith. And since they all know that, they all must die. Yord runs in, using the helmet as a weapon to turn off Qimir’s helmet. However, Qimir snaps Yord’s neck. Sol goes for a killing blow, but Osha pleads with him to stop. Qimir taunts Osha, saying she can’t trust Sol. Osha goes all “Riddick in Pitch Black” mode and gathers the flying slugs to attack Qimir and carry him away.
Osha asks Sol why Qimir said she couldn’t trust him, but Mae stuns Sol before he can answer. The reunited twins embrace but then fight, with each claiming the other follows a false master. Mae does a Force… errr.. Thread Push, knocks out Osha, and retrieves Yord’s lightsaber. She then cuts off her own hair, dresses as Osha, and finds Sol. They return to the ship, though it’s hinted that Bazil can tell which twin is which.
In the epilogue, Qimir floats down from the sky and finds the unconscious Osha, dressed as Mae.
MAJOR QUESTIONS
- Why did Mae fight Jecki after saying she was turning herself in?
- Where the hell did all The Jedi go when they were scattered?
- Is Sol really this dumb?
- Is Bazil the smartest character in the story?
FINAL GRADE: D
Some of the fights were fun, but it’s buried by the nonsensical writing of some of the most idiotic characters the galaxy has ever seen. These characters are morons who can’t seem to make up their minds about anything. The Jedi knew Qirim was an accomplice to murder, but just… let him go. Mae, who wanted to kill the Jedi decides to turn herself in… but then ATTACKS the Jedi who arrest her?!?
Speaking of Jecki, she got impaled three times. But we’ve seen so many times that lightsaber impalement is a minor injury in Disney’s Star Wars. She also put up a better fight against Mae than Indara, the Jedi Master, AND a better fight than multiple Jedi at once against Darth Toothygrin himself.
Mae and Osha did their switcharoo that I warned about literally in my first review. The Jedi are complete imbeciles for not thinking about this possibility.
As always, I’ll have a lot more to say on the upcoming podcast review…